I never really understood what people meant when they spoke about mum guilt. ‘What’s to feel guilty about?’ I thought…
I didn’t truly experience mum guilt with my daughter Flo to start off with – maybe a little during lockdown when she was just turning two, but that was out of my control. Plus everyone was in a similar situation, so in my mind I could deal with that.
Then my son Oliver came along. A sibling for Flo to grow up with and much-wanted to complete our family. Flo had just turned three when he was born.
Those first few weeks, when a newborn needs you so completely, I just felt like I was abandoning Flo. She was so used to having me all to herself, and to me being constantly devoted to her. I of course gave her as much attention as possible, but in my mind it wasn’t enough. Every night when I put her to bed, I cried my eyes out in pure guilt for her. This eased over time as we got into more of a routine, but then the guilt crept in with Oliver. He was being dragged around on the pre-school runs and to classes for Flo. I didn’t do as many baby classes with him, nor did I have that time to sit and cuddle and purely devote my time to him like I had to Flo when she was a newborn.
When it came time for me to return to work, I initially struggled with the adjustment and all of the questions crept in. Should I go back to work just yet? Should they go in to childcare this young? Can I go out with friends tonight, or lead my own life too?
So many questions, and what I have learnt is that there is no right answers!
Every mum questions herself, and everyone needs to do what is right for them and their family.
Don’t compare yourself to others. You are a great mum, and your kids will look at you with pure love – you’re their mum! When your child says to you they love you more than the world, and when you see them playing and happy and thriving at school, everything is worth it!
And yes, Flo and oliver are now the best of friends too ?