Whether it’s your first year without someone, or you lost them many years ago, that sense of loss can be intensified during Christmas. However, it really is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. Grieving is very individual, and what might work for one person might not work for you, and that’s ok.
Making the time to remember a loved one can be in any way that feels right to you. You might want to leave an empty chair at the dinner table, light a candle, make a toast to your them, or visit their resting place and leave a card. I’m fortunate enough to have photographs of my parents cooking on Christmas Day, so I have these photos on display in my kitchen. I also like to continue some of my favourite (food-related!) family traditions by making my own smoked mackerel paté as well as sausage rolls.
Finding ways to remember the loved one who you have lost can help to ease the pain that comes with grief. Special times of year can bring special traditions, be it baking, decorating, wrapping presents together, or watching a film. Find comfort in these traditions, but if it’s too raw then think of something new to honour their memory.
Christmas is a very high-pressured time of year anyway, adding grief into the mix can make it even more overwhelming. It is very important that you celebrate the season in whatever way feels right for you. This could mean taking part in your usual festivities, but you can also allow yourself to step away if you’re not feeling up to it.
As I’ve said already, everyone grieves differently and this is perfectly normal. No one can tell you how you should grieve. It’s a personal journey and it is important to accept that someone else’s grief will be different to yours.
It’s not always easy to talk to others and share your feelings, but carrying grief can feel really heavy. It’s sometimes easier to keep these feelings to yourself, through fear or embarrassment. But your grief never has to be hidden, no matter what the time of year. It’s so important to share your feelings, even with someone who can’t fully understand. They can be there to listen and they will want to help.
Grief can be exhausting. Look after yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Fresh air, nature and walking are really helpful when you are grieving, but also don’t be afraid to have an afternoon nap if it’s needed.
Ask your children how they feel about Christmas, and let them know that they can share any thoughts and feelings with you. It’s important that they always feel included, and they may even come up with some great ideas on what to do.